im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
