I can't watch pbs sober anymore
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
