he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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