There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
