Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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