God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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