Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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