SEEEEXXX PLEASE
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
