His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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