i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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