they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
