Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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