i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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