It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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