could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
