I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
