I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
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