if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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