WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
