he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
