Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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