We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
