so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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