eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
