he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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