there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We just shotgunned beers for America
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
