My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
