Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
