life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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