My first STD was from a foam party
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
