my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She told me I should be a condom model.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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