I cockslap morals
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
