Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
