great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
