the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
