If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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