Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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