Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
