Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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