hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The air was thick with penises
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
