all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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