I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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