yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
