PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
