I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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