McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
the liver wants what the liver wants
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
