u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
