is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
