Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
