I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
