can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
