i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
